Monthly Archives: October 2010
Building Rapport with NLP
“The internal sense of one person can communicate with that of another without the intervention of nerve impulses or any other physiological process. The effects of the movements of the nerves, modified in the brain by thought, can extend themselves to indefinite distances without the assistance of the air or the ether and make an immediate connection with the internal sense of another person. In this way, the wills of two persons can communicate through their internal senses. This relationship is called rapport.” Franz Anton Mesmer
Rapport is defined as being “of one mind.” You can have rapport with others or between your conscious and unconscious minds. Rapport with others is dependent upon appreciating and understanding another person’s model of the world, or their map of reality, and communicating that understanding to them in such a way that trust is established. I personally believe rapport is essential in every communication (with others and within the self), because it creates a state of oneness and empathy that is difficult to get any other way.
Rapport generates the following meaning for another person:
- You know, respect, and appreciate them and their world.
- You value what they value.
- You are like them and can be trusted.
When you don’t have rapport, the meaning given to the communication is:
- You don’t understand them or value what they value.
- You aren’t interested in them.
- You can’t be trusted with their well-being.
When you are in rapport, you feel a sense of:
- Speaking the same language.
- Being on the same wavelength.
- Respect, appreciation, credibility and trust.
- Openness and liking.
Having rapport gives you the opportunity to share another person’s experience. It also provides increased sensory awareness and the opportunity to lead the interaction in a positive direction.
“To act like one is to be one.” Lao Tzu
Rapport is gained by a process called pacing and leading. Pacing refers to experiencing another person’s reality by matching or mirroring their external behavior, internal states and representations in as many ways as possible. Leading means guiding an individual to another state or thought once rapport is established. Matching and Mirroring nonverbal communication (like breathing at the same rate) increases understanding and appreciation. Research into mirror neurons has demonstrated that mirroring someone else’s body language lights up the mirror neurons four times more strongly that basic matching. You may also be interested to know that according to Marianne LaFrance (1982), when an observer sees two people mirroring, they regard them as having more closeness than when they simply match.
Once you have paced successfully and established rapport, you can learn a great deal of information relating to an individual’s reality, as well as your own. Rapport makes it possible to lead another personal into new experiences, like more positive states of being. Through rapport you can also lead someone into a buying state, a place of openness to new ideas, or even into love.
- Pace, Pace, Pace —> Lead
